I just wanted to do a quick entry of gratitude. Haven't posted in a while. But it's worth it. I'm engaged to the girl of my heart. My partner in the promised land. A true eternal companion whose goal is similar to mine in living in an eternal (godlike way) and she actually believes this is possible. She is a true architect of peace. This is a gift she has been given. She is the girl my soul has known for longer than we can imagine. The world is a better place with her in my life and when we are together the ground is happy that we stand on because of the joy that comes out. His grace has been abundantly displayed in our acquaintance. 

Along with this business is going well. I feel closer to the Lord than I have in years and I'm seeing His hand in my life as much as ever. He has never ceased to be a God of miracles. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode because I am being so blessed in the Spirit. It has been such an amazing process to establish our foundation for life together. We only just today began thinking about the wedding day or reception stuff because truly we don't care about any of the fluff as much as how we will establish a Christ-centered home (which is what we have spent the majority of our hearts discovering and figuring out). Part of this is what we have called "our pilgrimage" where we will be visiting and soaking in the Holy Land for the month following our wedding. It will be a unique experience that only we will share and we are creating a video out of it (crowd-funding link coming soon). 

And despite all the blessings to come, I can get a bit overwhelmed. Have you ever felt this way? I start to take responsibility on of everything in my life (including possible Malian presidential elections, Stadium of Fire contest for brother, the wellbeing of Meridian Magazine, running my own startup business, my Returned Missionary Project, and the future of online missionary work! - yes these are all things that I have my hand in). I let this happen a bit today and it resulted in a bit of a physical breakdown. Migrane mixed with nausea. I tried sleeping it off, but could not. I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. Emails from awaiting prospective clients, emails from current clients, large webinars to prepare for for clients and future clients, meetings with potential employees and partners, waiting for a sealing clearance from the first presidency with flights purchased and invitations pending until then. It was all barreling down on my shoulders. 

Then Stacie came over. 

We go to the temple every Wednesday night, but I was in no position to go. So she came over dressed to go, but instead administered essential oils, rubbed my neck (she is a massage therapist and an incredible healer), and called my brother and her home teacher to come give me a blessing. She said a prayer while they were on their way. Tim Garlick and my brother Lucas came to give me a blessing. It was amazing. Literally as soon as Tim walked in the door, there was a change in the pain. Then they administered the holy anointing oil and blessed me with the Priesthood in the name of Jesus Christ. I shed tears as I heard promises from the Lord of peace and to (as my patriarchal blessing says) not run faster than you are able and to trust the Lord's timing and purposes. Not only did it bring peace but the pain left. My head no longer was throbbing and the nausea was completely swept away. It was a miracle. 

Then Stacie sat with me and we inventoried every thing that we needed to do and how much we both needed to earn to make our goals. We also made an inventory based in our putting the Lord first. We crossed off many things and listed the things that were absolutely necessary. The pain was gone, the solution was created and peace returned. God healed my head and body. Stacie was the architect of peace. The Savior was the power source.

AND, Tim came back with a quart of freshly harvested honey from a local hive. An incredible gift, for which I was so grateful. Tonight I feel so full of gratitude. Yes, I do have the faith "NOT to be healed" as Elder Bednar related in his latest CES broadcast, but I was healed. And was given honey, figuratively and literally. So I wanted to post about this miracle. He heard my prayer and used His servants to heal me on many levels, and some. I am so grateful. We worship a God of miracles. 

"Behold, doth he cry unto any, saying: Depart from me? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; but he saith: Come unto me all ye ends of the earth, buy milk and honey, without money and without price." (2 Nephi 26:25). 

It was easy for the disciples of Jesus to follow him when he healed their family members or witnessed other miracles He performed. Then when He started to teach things which were "hard sayings," there were many of his disciples who "walked no more with Him." And then He asked the 12 apostles, "Will ye also go away? Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go?" (John 6:66-67)

I think that there are so many things that can seem like "hard sayings" and make us want to walk no more with Him, or mostly with the Church. There are certain teachings and parts of history, that sometimes might not make complete sense to my rational mind. The reason doesn't always add up in the equation. And the easiest option sometimes seems to walk no more with the Church. But that question comes up: 

To Whom Shall We Go?

What other Church has what this Church has? What Church, or even community, offers what this Church offers? What program? What government? Maybe there are certain organizations or communities that can offer certain aspects that will bring temporary solace or happiness. But show me a Church that has doctrine as profound as ours. There is none. If you question this, you have not studied it as you should. You have not connected to the "CPU" of the wealth-spring of knowledge and truth that exists in the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. There is no other existing church that has such a deep and detailed view of the afterlife. No matter how trendy it might be, or comfortable it might feel to join a different community (or no community), you will never find the teachings of eternal potential anywhere else to match those of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. If there is one, show me. And show me when we have the Holy Ghost's influence. For the Spirit speaketh the truth and lieth not...it speaketh of things as they really are, and of things as they really will be." (Jacob 4:13) And Paul says: 

• "But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, not ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God. For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him? even so the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God. Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the spirit which is of God; that we might know the things that are freely given to us of God. Which things also we speak, not in the words which man's wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth, comparing spiritual things with spiritual. But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness to him: nether can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned." (1 Cor. 2:9-14)

The potential that the doctrine of this Church offers concerning our potential in this life and in the life to come, is far superior to any other doctrine. As I mentioned in another post, there is so much more to eternal life than just living forever. Here are a few "perks" that I look forward to:

• An endowment of god-like power to create to bless and protect - what would you do if you could have all power? What would you create? I think the creative process is one of the most rewarding experiences in this life. When you create something original, it is so satisfying. Write a song. Write a blog post or a book. Paint a picture. Create a sculpture. Take amazing photographs. Making a snowman. Even just doing your hair is a creative process. Creating is a part of who we are destined to become and we are. Who would you help? Who would you love? Think about it for a second, there are millions of people who pray to God every day. And all of them need help. How amazing would it be to have the power to literally be the answer to heart-felt prayers. 
• An endowment of all that God has - heavenly real estate, but also...
  
• An endowment of all KNOWLEDGE that God has - who needs a mansion then?
• Eternal increase (I didn't mention this in the other post). The enjoyment of having children everlastingly and the joys that come with that form of creation. (and yes the doctrine even teaches that we will enjoy the pleasure of ultimate union which enables us to create children. The joy and pleasure of that perfect union between man and woman). In fact, Jeffrey R. Holland said "you will never be more like God at any other time in this life than when you are expressing that particular power." (Of Souls Symbols and Sacraments).
• The same sociality will exist there. You can also read more about this in my other post about eternal life. I watched a documentary called "happy" last night and one of the things that creates happiness for humans is social interaction and connection. Our church's doctrine teaches that this will continue in the next life.  

I mostly wanted to post about this because there is so much anti-Mormon propaganda flying around and I am trying to inoculate myself (and hopefully others who may read this) to it with the truth. Perhaps you have read or seen or heard something that could cause you to have temporary doubt in an aspect of a piece of history, or a quote from a past leader, or maybe just a sentiment that you don't fully agree with. I'm sorry if it those have been "hard words," but truly, where will you go? Honestly, with the entire picture in mind - an everlasting perspective - what other church, group, or community can provide the truth and the absolute potential that The Church of Jesus Christ gives you? 

I see it this way, if in that final day when I die and pass on to the next sphere of existence, I arrive to find that I was wrong the whole time (along with everyone else in my Church), and that there was some other godlike-potential-providing system of truth that I missed out on in this life...then I am completely satisfied with believing in that which gives me hope for the highest potential. And whatever really does provide the highest potential for the life to come is probably complete enough for some allowance for those who didn't find it in this life. PS - Mormon doctrine provides this already for all other religions and people.

But I don't need to doubt. I know that the doctrine is true. I know that I am in the right path, and I will stand by it and live for it until I die. And I know that Jesus does have the words of eternal life, just like Peter said. And it isn't just this, there is so much peace and joy that come now from living the commandments. After watching this film about scientific research on how to be happy, I realized that we already teach all of that stuff in our church. It's just a part of how we live. I'm Mormon. I know it. I live it. And I love it. 

Though the atonement is what will make it possible for us to ultimately become like a god, there are key scriptures that give us formulas of how to gain this gift (the greatest of all the gifts of God). Moroni 7:45 is one of them (45 - 48). 45 has a list of attributes that are crucial for becoming like a god. Godly. Godlike. That's all eternal life is: the life like that of God. But to have eternal life, we must become the way God is. We cannot have the life of God without becoming the way a god is. My brother just moved into my neighborhood (I live with my parents in a very wealthy neighborhood who represent the 1% of the world who are in possession of most of the wealth of the world). Anyway, he moved from a small government subsidized apartment to the basement of a very expensive ($1.5 million) home (also an apartment - but much nicer). He mentioned that he was excited to live in this area mostly because he will be mingling (in the ward) with those who think differently. This is probably not the best example, but it illustrates (ever so slightly) that you have to think differently and possess different attributes to live in a different way. Mostly I want to illustrate that you cannot become like a god (AKA eternal life) if you do not think like one and act like one. 

We have to become godly. If we don't truly possess the attributes of godliness but expect to just get eternal life, we are like a high-school kid who just got a C- in his general chemistry class, but wants to win a Nobel Prize for formulas on activation energy or thermodynamics. This kid will have a long way to go before he can even understand what activation energy means, let alone get a Nobel Prize. This is like us. 

God is like the master chemist who has infinite "Nobel Prizes in chemistry". He has studied and researched and tested and tried and published and fought for His knowledge of chemistry. Even if we are the kid with a C- in general chemistry, we can still become that "Nobel Prize" winner. But we must understand that this endowment will only come after countless hours of "study and mastery". We basically have to become one with chemistry. We have to make the periodic table of the elements our own. Memorize it back to front and be able to recreate it if needs be. It is a part of us. We would have to publish countless papers, and present at countless chemistry conferences and write a score of academic volumes on the subject. It would be who we are. No longer a mere child, experimenting with liquid nitrogen to make ice cream - but a master chemist. We become godlike (AKA have a godlike life = eternal life) when we have become one with all things pertaining to godliness. It is possible for anyone. But they have to believe that it is possible to become a master chemist - a godlike "Nobel Laureate" - if you will. 

This is the closest I can get to coming up with a comparison to being endowed with eternal life. I will include more about this in the chapter called "Eternal Living" of the book Live My Gospel. You will soon be able to find more here.

Yes I watched Tangled this weekend. Yes I do love that movie. And Yes I do cry every time I watch it. I'm not your average manly man. I cry and I'm okay with that. In this movie there is a scene where Rapunzel is taken on the date of her life (the first date as well). She gets to go into the outskirts of the kingdom city. I just love the scene where, after some small children braid her very long hair, she is able to see a glimpse of who she really is. 

Her whole life she is told that she is something that she is not. And then she finally sees a glimpse of herself and realizes that she is the lost princess that is the entire focus of the kingdom - and that the reason for the glowing lights in the sky was to celebrate her. Everything the evil woman (who she called mother) told her was actually a lie. And she was a princess, of royal blood. There is a moment where she sees the royal purple flags with the symbol of the sun and realizes who she is and always has been.   

We all are of royal blood. We are children of a King and Queen and we have been sent into a world where everyone tells us that we are nothing special. And that staying locked up in the tower (of the world) will be safest. That we should not go out into the kingdom to find out who we are. 

I believe that Satan does everything in his power to distract us from finally finding that royal flag and discovering our true identity. We all come from a royal line. We all have the potential of becoming kings and queens, gods and goddesses. But there is always that evil "caretaker" who tries to keep us in a tower away from anything that will remind us of our royal birth.   

What keeps you locked up in a tower? And what has allowed you to come out of your tower and actually remember who you are? What reminds you of your heavenly self? Do you really believe that you are royal? What bogs you down? What makes you feel destined for greatness? 

Here are a few things/quotes that make me feel destined for greatness:

• C.S. Lewis' entire chapter called "Hope" in Mere Christianity.
• "You were born to Lead, You were Born for Glory" - a talk by Sheri Dew
• My patriarchal blessing
• Every time I go to the temple
• Amazingly beautiful music like the BYU singers concert this weekend!

I'd love to hear what you would say. 

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you into something else is the greatest accomplishment" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Today I saw an interesting interview on YouTube that happened recently (like last night). It has been causing me much inner reflection and has started a fire inside my bones for my beliefs. I love it when this happens. I'll explain why below.

Brandon Flowers was being featured on a Norwegian talk show. He appeared thinking that he would just be representing his band and talking about his music (a sort of announcement before a release of a new album on iTunes). But the show then announced that they had invited another guest: Richard Dawkins. I will not even link to him because I do not support him in any way, not even with link juice!

He is one of the world's leading (if you can say that) atheists. He is like a mix of Sigmund Freud, Charles Darwin and Korihor. He is an outright, ruthless, godless man. I had to study his hypotheses and theories for a class at BYU once. The assignment was an in-depth critique of his writings and it nearly made me sick. He has a completely different world view. He is an evolutionary biologist who believes that science has the answer and explanation to everything. He says that there is no room for God and that people who believe in God are simply ignorant to greater knowledge. That they haven't studied the topic (in his case - biology) thoroughly enough and that if they had gone into enough depth, they would clearly see that there was no divine designer. I have to control myself or I will really go off on how absolutely absurd this is. So I won't. All I will say is that Dawkins will be among those whose knees will bend and whose tongues will confess that Jesus is the Christ and the Creator of all. 

Before I changed my major to to psychology, my major was in the sciences. I absolutely love science. It fascinates me. I love the intricacy of micro-nature and the enormity of macro-nature. If I had three lives, I would love to become a well-known scientist who DOES believe in God. That is one of my dreams along with going to the olympics and being a librarian. When I was studying the "hard-sciences" I often wondered why there were so many hard-science empiricists who forgot to believe in God or who had not included Him in their equations. So I started to make a list of those who had been hard-scientists who DID have a firm belief in God (or in some sort of greater providential force). Here are just a few from my faith:

• John A. Widtsoe - Graduated from Harvard in the sciences with the highest honors and went on to become an apostle. Wrote an amazing book on his religious devotion even as a scientist called Evidences and Reconciliations.  
• James E. Talmage - Studied and received degrees and advanced degrees in the sciences at Johns Hopkins and became an apostle. Um, he also wrote Jesus the Christ. 
• Henry Eyring - A remarkable chemist whose work on transition state theory in chemical reactions (activation energy - which I think is fascinating) got him the National Medal of Science in 1966, the Wolf Prize in Chemistry and ten other prestigious prizes or medals. Other scientists did further work based on his research who went on to receive the Nobel Prize (there is a controversy around why he was not given the award). He is the father of Henry Bennion Eyring (member of the first presidency today). In addition to the hundreds of scientific publications he authored, he wrote some texts about his faith as a scientist. 
• Richard G. Scott - Nuclear physicist who was given the special assignment to the team of scientists who created the first nuclear powered submarine in history - the US Nautilus. Has served his whole life in the Church and is now one of the 12 apostles.
• Russell M. Nelson - Another of the 12 apostles of the Church who is a world-renown cardiovascular surgeon, whose work on the artificial heart is very notable. 

There are many, many more disciple-scholars (Neal A. Maxwell's term) who are bilingual in the things of science and the Spirit - or in Dallin H. Oaks' words "reason and revelation". 

Though I always hesitate to become a Mormon apologist, there is a part of me that wants to go up against people like Dawkins with intellectual arguments for the truth that include science. Though this may be more like when my companions would try to argue with Evangelicals and Jehovah's Witnesses in Spanish, using the Bible. No one got anything out of it other than frustration. haha. 

It is good for us to have a bit of opposition to our beliefs. It just makes us stronger. I'm writing a book right now for returned missionaries. Here is a teaser from the second chapter: When our beliefs are questioned, they either fail or they are strengthened. And more often they are strengthened because we recheck what we believe and we check it with God (or at least we should). Then we come back having our knowledge of the truth that we have strengthened. That is why returned missionaries often have such strong conviction of the truth. They are constantly opposed. Hugh Nibley puts it this way:

"Long experience has shown that the Latter-day Saints only become aware of the nature and genius of their modern scriptures when relentless and obstreperous criticism from the outside, forces them to take a closer look at what they have, with the usual result of putting those scriptures in a much stronger position than they were before."
 (Hugh Nibley. An Approach to the Book of Abraham, p. 40).

Like Brandon Flowers, you, and every other common and famous Mormon out there will likely be put on the spot sometime in the near future. It probably won't be up against someone like Richard Dawkins, but you will have a Korihor to face. And you will have to be ready. Are you ready? I hope so. Remember the faith of scientists, and "be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you." (1 Peter 3:15)

Though I was alone in my kitchen, I gave Brandon a standing ovation as I watched him on my phone while eating lunch. Way to be the Alma, and the rockstar, literally. I'll go download your songs now on iTunes.

C.S. Lewis wrote a book with this title. Many thought that it was because he married so late in life and his wife's name was Joy. It was actually not about that at all, but about his journey from atheism, to theism, to Christianity. It blows my mind that this man actually was an atheist because much of my intellectual appeal to Christianity has come from this man's pen. The big reason for his switch is because he found joy where he wasn't expecting it. It surprised him.

And the joy he found was a deep longing for something he did not have, but that he knew existed. He says that he caught glimpses of it through out his life, but never quite caught hold of the real thing. But after much exploration and a bit of help from J.R.R. Tolkien (among others), there was a moment in his life where he just all-of-the-sudden knew. And he was surprised by the joy it brought. He uses a German word to describe it: sehnsucht.

"Sehnsucht" is one of those words that just doesn't have a direct translation into English. Whatever you use to describe its definition, you have to pad that with other words and descriptions so that it makes sense. It basically means "longing", "yearning" or "nostalgia". I like this description (from wikipedia): 

"It is sometimes felt as a longing for a far-off country, but not a particular earthly land which we can identify. Furthermore there is something in the experience which suggests this far-off country is very familiar and indicative of what we might otherwise call 'home'". This "home" feeling is something that I think we all have experienced. And like Mr. Lewis, I also believe we all long for true, lasting joy. I sure do.  
   
But joy is such an interesting thing. One of my core beliefs is that one of the purposes of life is to have joy. Adam fell that man may be, and men are that they might have joy. That's why we are here. To experience true joy. But I believe that joy isn't as easy as getting a new pair of shoes, or getting a free Jamba Juice - though I love when that happens. It comes with a price. And the price is usually some sort of pain. 

If we ask God to bless us with joy, He will, but it will likely be after our heart has been in some way wrenched. And when we arrive at that moment when we feel such a heavenly sensation, it will be much more rich because of what we went through. Joy is much more genuine and lasting because it does take a while to get there. And no one else can understand it the way we do once we arrive at joy. It's hard to explain. Trying to explain joy is a bit like trying to describe a life-changing experience. Like after I came home from a two year mission in Chile or after my time in the Holy Land. I often found mere acquaintances asking "So how was your mission?" or "How was Jerusalem?" They were well meaning, but it was impossible to really explain how those life-changing experiences were.

As a teacher at the MTC I used a visual of a rosebush to explain the mission. The mission is like a rosebush. Before you get to it, you look at it, and you are amazed at how beautiful it is from a distance. You get closer and it just gets even more beautiful. Then you are surprised when you begin to walk through the rosebush. You realize that there are thorns EVERYWHERE and you wonder why you entered the rosebush in the first place! You look down and see that you are bleeding and torn all over your body. It hurts, but something inside you tells you to keep walking. So you do. You finally see the other side of the rosebush and before you know it, you are on the outside looking back. The blood stops, the wounds heal and you once again see the rosebush from a distance. And it looks even more beautiful than it did before you entered. And even though it was one of the most painful and bloody experience you have been through, you almost feel a nostalgia for that beautiful place. To me this is joy. It can't be experienced without that unique painful nostalgia.   

If we want true joy, our whole life we will be entering and exiting these rosebushes. Man is that he might walk through the rosebush. Thankfully, there is someone who walks through the bush with us who has gone through the rosebush to trump all rosebushes. "I have trodden the winepress alone" He said (Isaiah 63:3). "Which suffering caused myself even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit--and would that I might not drink the bitter cup and partake--" This suffering was real and He overcame. And after His great rosebush He actually said: "my joy is full" (3 Ne 17:20) - this makes more sense that his joy would be FULL after having suffered for all mankind. His rosebush trumped all rosebushes and His joy therefore is matchless. 

I am grateful for the true joy I have experienced in my life, especially recently. And for the chance to walk through the rosebushes of life. And I am grateful for the one who can fix me every time I walk through another one.    

"In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

Today marks 7 years since I returned from serving a two-year mission for my church. I always remember significant dates for some reason. It can be a good thing and a bad thing, depending on what you want to remember. 

I have pondered on what I have done and what I have become over the last 7 years since coming home. What have I accomplished? Who am I now? Have I lived up to what I imagined I would be when I was setting goals on the plane from Santiago to Atlanta? Is God pleased? Who is Andy Proctor now? 

I love the story of Pharaoh's dream of the 7 fat cows and the 7 thin cows in Genesis 41. It tells of prophecy and preparation. God gave Pharaoh 7 good years to prepare for the 7 years of famine and pestilence. Once the 7 years were up, the famine started and it was time to test their preparation and efforts. 

I honestly don't think that the next 7 years of my life are going to be filled with famine and pestilence. I do think that there are going to be hard times though and I am extremely grateful for the things that I have learned in the last 7 years. I recently read a very insightful article that I wish I would have read 3 years ago when I actually was 25. It talks about 11 things that you should know when you are 25-ish. Some of the things I was patting myself on the back for. Some I was kicking myself for. And some of the advice caused me to set goals for the next 25 years. I am nearing the "end" of the decade of decision (20 - 30) and really want to make the next decade exciting and abundant. I have spoken with many of my friends who are at this same stage and many have been afraid of entering into their 30s. Why? Most because of the physical decline. Others because they feel like they still haven't really decided what they are doing with their life. 

I think that life should not be lived in fear nor should it be lived with the idea that there will be a point in life that is going to be horrible or that won't be as good as before (like any time past your 30s). We should never anticipate a gloomy time. Dante did say that "The arrow seen before cometh less rudely” (Divine Comedy, “Paradise,” canto 17, line 24). We should try to look ahead and prepare (for the 7 lean years). However, we should not live in anticipation of life getting worse. It just gets better and better. You just have to change the way you look at it and redetermine what your purpose is in your situation. I also highly recommend getting an inoculation against atelophobia. How? Mess up for crying out loud!! Life can't be perfect and until you realize this, you will live in fear of not being perfect. And honestly, your life will be half-lived. Just accept that you aren't and you will most definitely smile more than you will cry.  

George Bernard Shaw said: "A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." 

The next 7 years of my life will most likely be spent (just as the last 7 years) making mistakes. But I also commit to being very useful and learning a LOT by messing up. I don't plan to mess up, but I surely will. And I am completely okay with it. 

I believe that the more you mess up, and then adapt, the better you are. I think that is why most older people are so happy. They aren't just complacent and apathetic. They have in their possession a certain elixer that causes them to smile more every day (even if that smile is more wrinkly and has less teeth included). It's called wisdom: "The quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment." 

Good judgement comes almost solely from experience - which comes from making decisions based off of bad judgement. Feel free to disagree. And let's talk in 7 years so I can learn from your mistakes; and you from mine.