I just wanted to do a quick entry of gratitude. Haven't posted in a while. But it's worth it. I'm engaged to the girl of my heart. My partner in the promised land. A true eternal companion whose goal is similar to mine in living in an eternal (godlike way) and she actually believes this is possible. She is a true architect of peace. This is a gift she has been given. She is the girl my soul has known for longer than we can imagine. The world is a better place with her in my life and when we are together the ground is happy that we stand on because of the joy that comes out. His grace has been abundantly displayed in our acquaintance. 

Along with this business is going well. I feel closer to the Lord than I have in years and I'm seeing His hand in my life as much as ever. He has never ceased to be a God of miracles. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode because I am being so blessed in the Spirit. It has been such an amazing process to establish our foundation for life together. We only just today began thinking about the wedding day or reception stuff because truly we don't care about any of the fluff as much as how we will establish a Christ-centered home (which is what we have spent the majority of our hearts discovering and figuring out). Part of this is what we have called "our pilgrimage" where we will be visiting and soaking in the Holy Land for the month following our wedding. It will be a unique experience that only we will share and we are creating a video out of it (crowd-funding link coming soon). 

And despite all the blessings to come, I can get a bit overwhelmed. Have you ever felt this way? I start to take responsibility on of everything in my life (including possible Malian presidential elections, Stadium of Fire contest for brother, the wellbeing of Meridian Magazine, running my own startup business, my Returned Missionary Project, and the future of online missionary work! - yes these are all things that I have my hand in). I let this happen a bit today and it resulted in a bit of a physical breakdown. Migrane mixed with nausea. I tried sleeping it off, but could not. I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. Emails from awaiting prospective clients, emails from current clients, large webinars to prepare for for clients and future clients, meetings with potential employees and partners, waiting for a sealing clearance from the first presidency with flights purchased and invitations pending until then. It was all barreling down on my shoulders. 

Then Stacie came over. 

We go to the temple every Wednesday night, but I was in no position to go. So she came over dressed to go, but instead administered essential oils, rubbed my neck (she is a massage therapist and an incredible healer), and called my brother and her home teacher to come give me a blessing. She said a prayer while they were on their way. Tim Garlick and my brother Lucas came to give me a blessing. It was amazing. Literally as soon as Tim walked in the door, there was a change in the pain. Then they administered the holy anointing oil and blessed me with the Priesthood in the name of Jesus Christ. I shed tears as I heard promises from the Lord of peace and to (as my patriarchal blessing says) not run faster than you are able and to trust the Lord's timing and purposes. Not only did it bring peace but the pain left. My head no longer was throbbing and the nausea was completely swept away. It was a miracle. 

Then Stacie sat with me and we inventoried every thing that we needed to do and how much we both needed to earn to make our goals. We also made an inventory based in our putting the Lord first. We crossed off many things and listed the things that were absolutely necessary. The pain was gone, the solution was created and peace returned. God healed my head and body. Stacie was the architect of peace. The Savior was the power source.

AND, Tim came back with a quart of freshly harvested honey from a local hive. An incredible gift, for which I was so grateful. Tonight I feel so full of gratitude. Yes, I do have the faith "NOT to be healed" as Elder Bednar related in his latest CES broadcast, but I was healed. And was given honey, figuratively and literally. So I wanted to post about this miracle. He heard my prayer and used His servants to heal me on many levels, and some. I am so grateful. We worship a God of miracles. 

"Behold, doth he cry unto any, saying: Depart from me? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; but he saith: Come unto me all ye ends of the earth, buy milk and honey, without money and without price." (2 Nephi 26:25). 

Today marks 7 years since I returned from serving a two-year mission for my church. I always remember significant dates for some reason. It can be a good thing and a bad thing, depending on what you want to remember. 

I have pondered on what I have done and what I have become over the last 7 years since coming home. What have I accomplished? Who am I now? Have I lived up to what I imagined I would be when I was setting goals on the plane from Santiago to Atlanta? Is God pleased? Who is Andy Proctor now? 

I love the story of Pharaoh's dream of the 7 fat cows and the 7 thin cows in Genesis 41. It tells of prophecy and preparation. God gave Pharaoh 7 good years to prepare for the 7 years of famine and pestilence. Once the 7 years were up, the famine started and it was time to test their preparation and efforts. 

I honestly don't think that the next 7 years of my life are going to be filled with famine and pestilence. I do think that there are going to be hard times though and I am extremely grateful for the things that I have learned in the last 7 years. I recently read a very insightful article that I wish I would have read 3 years ago when I actually was 25. It talks about 11 things that you should know when you are 25-ish. Some of the things I was patting myself on the back for. Some I was kicking myself for. And some of the advice caused me to set goals for the next 25 years. I am nearing the "end" of the decade of decision (20 - 30) and really want to make the next decade exciting and abundant. I have spoken with many of my friends who are at this same stage and many have been afraid of entering into their 30s. Why? Most because of the physical decline. Others because they feel like they still haven't really decided what they are doing with their life. 

I think that life should not be lived in fear nor should it be lived with the idea that there will be a point in life that is going to be horrible or that won't be as good as before (like any time past your 30s). We should never anticipate a gloomy time. Dante did say that "The arrow seen before cometh less rudely” (Divine Comedy, “Paradise,” canto 17, line 24). We should try to look ahead and prepare (for the 7 lean years). However, we should not live in anticipation of life getting worse. It just gets better and better. You just have to change the way you look at it and redetermine what your purpose is in your situation. I also highly recommend getting an inoculation against atelophobia. How? Mess up for crying out loud!! Life can't be perfect and until you realize this, you will live in fear of not being perfect. And honestly, your life will be half-lived. Just accept that you aren't and you will most definitely smile more than you will cry.  

George Bernard Shaw said: "A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." 

The next 7 years of my life will most likely be spent (just as the last 7 years) making mistakes. But I also commit to being very useful and learning a LOT by messing up. I don't plan to mess up, but I surely will. And I am completely okay with it. 

I believe that the more you mess up, and then adapt, the better you are. I think that is why most older people are so happy. They aren't just complacent and apathetic. They have in their possession a certain elixer that causes them to smile more every day (even if that smile is more wrinkly and has less teeth included). It's called wisdom: "The quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment." 

Good judgement comes almost solely from experience - which comes from making decisions based off of bad judgement. Feel free to disagree. And let's talk in 7 years so I can learn from your mistakes; and you from mine.